Saturday, February 7, 2009

My Testimony(long)

I was supposed to have posted this a while back but have been prayerfully considering how much that I actually should share. I am still not certain at this point what will come of this but here goes. This can at times be difficult to write but I know that we must share our testimony so as to encourage others and show just how far the Lord has brought us.

I grew up catholic and not going to church very often. I have always known there is a God but my thoughts about who Jesus Christ was were not correct. In all the years I attended mass I never truly felt like I belonged. Something always felt missing. I know that this may sound cliche but it is the truth. In 1994 we moved from Florida to North Carolina where as a freshman in high school I met Tony and that night at a football game changed my life forever. I started attending a small baptist church with him on a regular basis and in June of 1995 I accepted the Lord Jesus Christ as my personal savior. I wish that I could remember the exact date and what songs were sung and such but all that matters is I remember repenting of my sins and begging Jesus to come into my heart and life. Now I wish that I could say that I have been fruitful ever since but in fact just the opposite for a long time. After we were saved there wasn't any discipleship or encouragement from anyone. We did not grow therefore our fruit withered and dried up. In July of 1996 Tony and I got married in that same little church and later that month found out that I was pregnant. I was only 16 yrs and scared...In December we were told I was going to be having twins but that there was a problem with one of the babies. 2 days after Christmas of 1996 we had to decide whether or not to abort the baby with the birth defect or to carry both babies out as long as possible. We chose to carry them both out as long as the Lord would have, which turned out to be only another 2 weeks or so and on January 14, 1997 Rebecca Lynn was born weighing 1lb 2.2 ounces and her identical twin sister Tami Grace was born weighing 13ounces and stillborn. Oh how my heart broke over the loss of this little one and the worry that Rebecca might not live. Praise God she did and is now 12 years old. After the loss of Tami and blaming myself for her not being with us I went into a deep deep depression. My lowest point came when I was sitting on my kitchen floor with any and every pill I could find and was going to take an overdose and be done with the pain I was feeling inside. But then I heard Rebecca cry and realized how foolish I had been. I immediately called Tony and he took me to my therapist who told me I would need to go into the hospital for this. In the years that followed I became rebillious and wanted to things "my" own way. I did not act like a wife or mother or a child of the King during those days and I deeply regret it and crying as I write this but I know that I have repented of those times in my life and that I have the Lord's forgiveness. It took a miscarriage in 2005 for us to realize we could only depend on the Lord and not ourselves and we started attending a good baptist church on a regular basis. The transformation in our lives has been miraculous and the Lord's grace and mercy endureth! I am so thankful for His patience with me and for bringing me to the place of realizing that I needed Him and only Him.

It is very hard to be "vulnerable" but the Lord has impressed on my heart to share this with you today. I pray that someone out there can benefit from this post today.

Till Next Time~God Bless!


A Group Blog for Christian Moms

No comments: